It's all about LOVE.

I have to say I do my deepest thinking as I am walking from one end of campus to another.

And today, I was thinking about what it is that drives everything that I do.  

What founds my standards.  

What encourages me to get up in the morning. 

What causes me to act the way I do.

What was that fundamental aspect that drives my life?

And I think I've figured it out.

It all comes down to LOVE.

I love people.  I love meeting new people, interacting with them, sharing with them, serving them. 

I love my family.  I live my life the way I do so that I can spend eternity with them. 

I love my husband.  Each day, I find new things about him that I helplessly love.  And he motivates me to be better.

I love my Church.  I am an LDS member because I have felt God's love for me, and I love Him. I don't obey the commandments because I have to.  I obey them because I love Him.

I love the sun on my face.

I love eating food.  Delicious food.

I love crawling in to warm sheets.

I love saying my prayers, and know that someone is listening.

I love that feeling when you realize that you have answered someone else's prayers.

I love the feel of sand in between my toes.

I love to smile.  Smile so big that eyes squint and my upper lip curls up.

I love to LOVE.

And so, I get up in the morning because I love life.  Every little bit of it.  Even the bugs, the clouds, the pimples, the pudges, the assignments, the endless hours of work. 

 I just love life.

What do YOU love?

(And yes, as I was writing this post Ewan McGregor's "All You Need is Love" was playing in my head.)

My Fear of Bugs

I live in a world of constant fear.  I'm afraid of being trapped, being kidnapped, having cancer, falling off of things, getting stabbed, getting scared in the shower, of my future children dying, of my family dying, of Lucas dying, of stepping on nail... it's straight up terrifying in my head.

But I would have to say the fear the plagues me most of all is...

My Fear of Bugs

Yes, those creepy, crawly little things that you don't notice are on you until they are down your shirt.  Or trapped in your hair.  Or hiding in your pillow case.

And I'm not just scared of the scary bugs.  I am literally afraid of ALL bugs.  Spiders, ants, butterflies, stink-bugs, ladybugs.... you name it, I'm terrified of it. 

But there are DEFINITELY some bugs I am more scared of then others. So here is my list of bugs I am afraid of, in rank of pure terror.

#1 - Wasps/Yellow Jackets

(I had to insert this picture after I was done writing my blog because it was to distracting for me to type while it was on here.)

There is absolutely nothing good about wasps.  Sure, you can say they pollinate flowers all you want.  So do humming birds.  And they can't sting you a MILLION TIMES before they die.

I think my fear from this stems from being stung a few times as a child.  Or hearing the story about my aunt on a boat who had a wasp fly into her ear, sting her 10 times so that her ear canal was swollen shut, and the thing got trapped in there.  Only to sting her some more.

They are creepy.  They can sting.  And they can fly in your hair. Enough said.

#2 - Spiders

(... Don't look it in the eyes.)

Spiders are easily a close second to wasps.  Mainly because they like to live in my house and surprise me in the shower.  Or in my bed.  Or in my shoe.

And when I see a spider, I literally cannot function.  If I get caught with one of those in the shower, I just stand there, staring at it, watching its every move.  Every time that it gets closer to me, I scream.  Finally, it results in me running out of my bathroom with suds in my hair to find someone to kill it. 

And by the time I get back to the shower... it's gone.

That has to be the worst feeling.  Leaving a spider to find a shoe to kill it and coming back to find it has gone missing.  Only to later reappear in that same shoe you were going to kill it with.

Spiders are crawly.  They can be poisonous   Sometimes they have barb-things on their legs. And they like to hide and scare me.  

(a picture I drew on my old blog of me always finding spiders in my bed. Small Town Side Effects)

# 3 - Earwigs

Okay, please just look at this bug and tell me if it is not the creepiest thing you have ever seen.

I hate these bugs.  I HATES THEM. 

I grew up on a farm that basically was INFESTED with this little critters.  In the shower, in the cupboards, in the dishtowels, on my shower towel.  To this day I check my towel before drying off to make sure that there are no bugs on it.  Lucas can back me up on this one. 

One time, an earwig got lost in my hair.  I could feel it crawling around, but I couldn't get it out. 

(I have to stop telling this story, I'm feeling things in my hair.)

And one time, an earwig crawled up my shorts and pinched my thigh.  Some people say that earwigs can't pinch, BUT THEY ARE WRONG.

Earwigs are squirmy.  They have pinchers and they can use them.  And they make a horrible crunching noise when you kill them. 

#4 - Box Elder Bugs

This phobia of box elder bugs is very recent, but very strong.  I developed this one after I moved to Utah, where these things run wild.  In fact, I have had TWO instances where these guys have found their way into my cleavage.  Thankfully, no one was around at the time, because I ripped my shirt right off in order to find them.

I realize that I have no real reason to be afraid of these bugs.  They are essentially like flies... but flies of the devil.  They don't fear humans, and like to fly close to and land on them.  They like to lurk in my favorite bathrooms at BYU.  Which makes peeing extremely difficult.

One time, I was late to an appointment, but I couldn't leave my apartment because there was a box elder bug on my doorstep.  That is how intense this fear is. 

Box elder bugs can fly.  They like to live in cleavage.  And they can get trapped in hair.

# 5 - Praying Mantis 

I really don't know how this guy got on the list.  I haven't had any terrifying experiences with them, I haven't ever had one on me or even near to me.  

But the scare the daylights out of me. 

They are like miniature aliens waiting to suck your blood.  They will latch onto you with their hook-arms and bite you till your dead.

They will crush your dreams. 

I guess I'm afraid of them because I heard their bite is worse than a bee-sting.  And since bees terrify me enough, I have always gone out of my wait to avoid a praying mantis.

I HATE ALL BUGS.

So there you have it! Some other bugs that just barely missed being mentioned are: flying ants, bumble-bees, stink bugs, centipedes, cockroaches, and flies. 

And one last terrifying picture before I say good-bye!

What bugs are you most afraid of?

It might have been!

I stumbled across this quote recently, and for some reason I can't get it out of my head.  It is:

"Of all the sad words of tongue or pen,

The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'"

~ John Greenleaf Whittier

I never want to have to ask myself, "What might have been if...".  I want to live my life in such a way that when I am old and on my deathbed, I can look back on my life without regrets. 

No regrets, people! That means instead of watching 8 hours of some random TV show, I should be out enjoying life! 

Instead of just plowing through school with my head down, I should be enjoying each and every moment of my education.

Instead of postponing my happiness for some far distant goal, I should be loving the here and now!

Instead of worrying and wondering what the future holds, I should enjoy every step of the process.

Enjoy Every Step!

Best Casserole EVER

I have made this casserole four or five times, and it never fails to be absolutely delicious. Everyone should have this recipe in their recipe book, so here it is!

Chicken Spaghetti Casserole

First thing you need to do is put a pot of water on the stove to boil.  Add about six chicken breasts to the water and bring to a boil - let the chicken boil for a few minutes, then reduce the heat to medium and let it simmer for 30 minutes.

While your chicken is boiling, go ahead and cut up your green pepper, onions, and pimentos. I always buy my pimentos diced, so all you have to do is drain them. (Also, finding pimentos in the grocery store is always the the most challenging item to locate.  They are in a different location each time I go, so it takes me and Lucas about 15 minutes to find them.)

I usually just add all of my diced things together in a bowl.  Also, I absolutely cannot chop onions without me bawling my eyes out, so I usually have Lucas chop them while I go lay on the bed.

Next, take your spaghetti and break it into two inch pieces.  You need about 2 1/2 to 3 cups of this, so I normally just pack it into this little measuring cup and call it good.



Now that all of your things are chopped up, go ahead and kick back and relax until your chicken is ready.  Once it is, go ahead and remove the chicken from the pot but DO NOT DRAIN THE WATER.  After the chicken is removed, go ahead and turn the stove back to high to get the water boiling again.  Meanwhile, take about a cup of the water from the pot and set it aside (and you have yourself some nice homemade chicken broth).

Once the water is boiling, add the spaghetti to the water (cooking it in the chicken broth water gives it a nice taste).  Let it cook until it is just a little crunch left (because you will be baking it in the oven also, so if you overcook it now it will just be a soggy mess at the end.).  Strain your noodles and shred your chicken into nice little bite sized pieces.

Put your noodles into a large bowl.



Add your chicken into the noddles.



Next, go ahead and add your two cans of cream of chicken soup, your onions, your green peppers, and your pimentos.



Next, add the seasoning salt, the cayenne pepper, black pepper, and 1 cup of the sharp cheddar cheese.



Go ahead and start stirring the mixture together.  To make stirring easier, add the cup of the chicken broth mixture you pulled out of your pot into the mixture.  You don't want it soupy, just wet enough that it stirs easily.

At this point, take a nice big taste test.  Sometimes it needs more salt or pepper, or maybe you want to add a little extra cayenne for spice.  Just make sure you like the seasonings! (At this point, I really have to stop myself from just digging in right then and there, it tastes so good.)

Add this to any casserole dish.  I normally just use a baking pan, but anything will work.



 Once you have it spread out, add another cup of sharp cheddar cheese on top.




Now you can freeze this meal for up to six months if you would like to, or stick it in the fridge and eat it within the next few days, OR you can just bake it right then (which is what I usually do.)

Bake it in the oven uncovered for 30 minutes at 350 degrees, or until the cheese on top starts to get a bit crunchy.  Pull it out, eat, and ENJOY.

 And trust me, you will enjoy this. :)

Chicken Spaghetti Casserole

2 cups Cooked Chicken
3 cups Dry Spaghetti, Broken Into Two Inch Pieces
2 cans Cream Of Chicken Soup
2 cups Grated Sharp Cheddar Cheese
1/4 cup Finely Diced Green Pepper
1/4 cup Finely Diced Onion
1 jar (4 Ounce) Diced Pimentos, Drained
2 cups Reserved Chicken Broth From Pot
1 teaspoon Lawry's Seasoned Salt
1/8 teaspoon (to 1/4 Teaspoon) Cayenne Pepper
Salt And Pepper, to taste

Add chicken to large pot of water, boil for a few minutes and let simmer for 30 minutes.  Chop up green peppers, onions, and pimentos.  Break noodles into 2 inch pieces, enough for 3 cups worth of noodles.  Once chicken is done boiling, get a cup of the chicken broth from the pot.  Put heat back on high, and cook noodles until they are barely crunchy.

Shred your chicken.  After noodles are cooked, add noodles, chicken, onions, green peppers, pimentos, your Lawry's salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, cream of chicken soup, and cup of chicken broth into a large bowl.  Mix until well combined.

Add to a casserole dish and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. 

I originally got this recipe from this website http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2007/06/chicken_spaghet/, but I made a few minor variations that I think make it a bit tastier! 

My favorite Valentine's Day

I must say, I have always loved Valentines day.

In elementary school, when you got those awesome little cards with candy glued to them.
In middle school, when people would slip love notes through the cracks of your locker.
In high school, when secret admirers would confess their love through singing valentines.

But my favorite Valentine's day of all was actually when Lucas and I weren't even dating. To preface, Lucas and I had dated from October to January.  Then, abruptly, we decided to take a break in our relationship.  Lucas and I didn't really talk the entire month of January, so I thought things were over between us.

So now it's Valentine's Day, and I'm kind of feeling bummed because I don't have anyone to share it with.  Except, of course, for my best friend Kate.  So Kate and I decide to make the most of it - we bought cute Valentine's Day outfits, and we bought tickets to see Mindy Gledhill in concert. (Who is Mindy Gledhill?? Well, go here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AWRHBHDVlQ) and find out.

Anyways, that Valentine's day started off pretty great.  Curled my hair, put on my cute red shirt from forever 21, and heading off to school.  I was determined though that I wouldn't get a single valentine, I would enjoy my day!

Well, now I'm at work.  I'm plunking away on the keyboard, when suddenly there is a knock at my office door.  I open it, and a handsome lad is standing at the door with a giant box.  He asked (in an Australian accent, I must add) "Is there a Kara McRae here?"
Me: "Uh.... that's me."
Man: "This is for you."
Me: "Who is it from?"
Man: "Well, I'm not sure.  He paid me to come and give these to you."
Me: "Well, what did he look like?"
Man: (smiles) "Oh, he is a strapping, handsome lad."
Me: (Laughs).  "Common, tell me who he is."
Man: "I really don't know.  Maybe a card inside can tell you."

I quickly snatch the box away from him, and he quickly ran away.  The box was about three feet long, and was wrapped in a lovely red ribbon.  I tore open the ribbon, opened the box...

And inside was two dozen roses, about three bags of chocolate, and a small card.

I opened the card, and in it was a poem written by John Donne, signed, "your secret admirer."

Well, I went through my head and tried to figure out who it could be.  I narrowed it down to a few individuals, but they all awkwardly denied that they hadn't given me the flowers.

It wasn't until months later I found out that it was Lucas who gave me those roses, despite his many previous denials. Even though we had broken up, he still held on to our relationship and hoped that one day it would resume.

And resume it did.

I get to spend this Valentine's Day with the man of my dreams.  I never expected I could love someone as much as I love him. I am so grateful for this "strapping handsome lad", and for his sweetness, his humor, his love, his ambitions, and his talents.  Thank you Lucas Duraccio for making me so happy.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

The Worst Date Ever

Recently my friend posted about her worst date ever... which of course, got me thinking about my worst date ever.  And yes, being at BYU you are bound to have a handful of awkward dates. But if fate smiles kindly upon you, you will never have to experience what I experienced on the worst date of my life. Oh, the guy wasn't terribly rude, or he didn't try any funny business... but instead this date turned out to be what I have deemed as my most embarrassing moment.

So... where to start? Let's see. I had met a guy at a dessert party and had given him my number.  A few days later, he calls me up asking if I want to head over to his place to make burgers. I agreed, because who could ever pass up a burger?

He picks me up and takes me to my place.  Now, in my head I guess I was imagining it just him and me, cooking in the kitchen and getting to know each other, since we had only had one brief conversation beforehand and I literally knew nothing about him.

Wrong.  I walk into his apartment, and suddenly it is him and 15 of his friends who all know each other, and little outsider me.  So right from the start it was a little awkward, but I made the best of it and started getting to know people.  Meanwhile, my date is in the kitchen cooking away and doesn't say a word to me.

Afterwards eating some bland burgers, Stan asks me, "Do you want to go hot tubbing?"
Me: "Um.... I didn't bring  a swim-suite."
Stan: "That's ok. We'll figure something out"
Me: "um...."
Stan: (Talking to his girl friends) - "Can one of you guys give Kara a swim suite?" (The girls hesitantly agree)
Me: "Uhhh.... thanks!"

So me and about 4 girls go into the back and one of the girls gives me her favorite swim suite. It must also be mentioned that these girls immediately stripped nude in front of me, and so I felt obligated to do the same.  So here I am, naked, in front of 4 girls who I know nothing about.  I'm feeling a little uncomfortable, but again, I just go with it. I also only had boots to wear to the hot tub, so a girl gave me a pair of over sized slippers to wear to the hot-tub, bless her little heart.

Also, did I mention that it was January? Well, it was, and it was freezing.  So as soon as we step foot outside the apartment, everyone takes off running in direction of the hot tub.  Then there is me, ungraceful little Kara, running behind them slowly in over-sized slippers.  All of the girls are ahead of me, and all of the guys are behind me.  I'm running and tripping over my feet, but slowly I get the hang of running in these shoes, and I start to speed off.

Really, I can't see anything, because there are no street lights and I am in an area that I am completely unfamiliar with.  The boys are right behind me, when all of the sudden....

BAM.

I failed to see the six inch step up on the sidewalk.

I completely and utterly face-plant on the sidewalk.  And I'm not talking about falling on your knees and hands... I am talking about running and then within a split second my face is on the pavement. My fall echoed throughout the abandoned street.

I shudder just thinking about it.

All of the girls turn around, and one of the girls yells "My swimsuit " (Geez, thanks.) All of the guys circle about me and say "What should we do" and "is she breathing?" I just continue to lay on the pavement, aware that just about every part of my body aches.

What do you do in this situation? At this point, I just wanted to jump up and say, "Well, see ya!" and take off running in the direction of my apartment a few miles away.  But, yet again, it probably would have resulted in a similar fall somewhere down the road.

Finally after about 30 seconds of laying on the ground, I just jump up and laugh it off and take off running again.  I look at my fingers, my elbows, my toes, my knees, all of which are bleeding.  But, it's dark, so I just keep running.  And, to hide the blood, as soon as I get to the hot-tub I jump right in.

Disgusting, I know, but I was embarrassed enough already without everyone seeing my wounds of shame.

So I bleed in the hot tub for a while, and my knees start to swell.  At one point my date runs his hand up my stubbly leg (hey, had I known I was hot-tubbing I would have shaved) but I swatted his hand away before he could feel my scabby swollen knee.  He probably thought I just wasn't into him (which I really wasn't) and he moved to the other side of the hot tub.

After about an hour, they decide to go back to the apartments.  So I slowly limp back (I don't wear the slippers because my toe is bleeding). The girls invite me to jump in the shower with them (they are all naked) but I politely declined.  While they were in the shower I quickly wrapped my toe in toilet paper and shoved my boots back on.

I ended up going back to Stan's apartment and watching "Easy A" (the only good part of the date.) By the end of the night I was sure that I had broken my toe, and my knees were double in size.

I never heard from him again.



Sigh.  That, dear readers, is my worst dating experience.  So.  Moral of the story? If you ask a girl on a date, don't invite all of your friends along, don't do unexpected things like hot-tubbing that require wardrobe changes, and most of all, if your date biffs it on the pavement, carry her back to the apartment, let her put on some band-aids, and just drive her home.  And then ask her out later, so she can one day heal her wounds of embarrassment.

Don't Be Selfish!

Sorry that I haven't posted about those sweet-potato crispers, but I promise, that will be soon to come.

Right now I am reading a talk by Thomas S. Monson about being an example to others... but in that talk I found a paragraph where he focuses specifically the role that a wife should play in a marriage. I thought it was a gem, and thought I would share it on here.

He says that "husband and wife should be adaptive to each other, and to work out mutual problems." Roll with the punches, talk about things, explain how you feel.  It may sound silly, but about once a week I ask Lucas if there is anything that I am doing that bothers him, or if there is anything that I am not doing that he would like me too. Sometimes he has things, but most times he doesn't.  Then he will give me the opportunity to do the same. And honestly, this short conversation that we have saves us from building up hurt feelings, and one day exploding, listing all of the things the other does that we don't like.

He also says husband and wife "need willingness to give and take in search for harmony".  More specifically, he says, "They need unselfishness of the highest sort, with thought for one's partner taking the place of desire for oneself."

Readers, the hardest thing that I have had to go through in my marriage hasn't been the typical things that you hear about, like getting to know the quirky things about my husband, or figuring out how to work together, or even adjusting to having someone go to the bathroom with the door open.  The hardest that I have had to adapt to is simply shifting my focus from myself to my husband.  Up until marriage, the focus of all of my efforts was on me.  My schooling, my work, my dating life, my friendships, my family, me, me, me.  But now I have someone that I have to care for even more than myself... and shifting to that focus has been HARD.  But it has been incredible. But it has been through shifting this focus that I have come to love Lucas more than I ever thought I could.

Just as a side note, Lucas is MUCH better at caring for me than I am for him.  He does the dishes, makes me food, brings me blankets, carries me to bed when I am feeling lazy, uses the towel farthest from the shower so I don't have to reach... he even warms up my side of the bed at night when I am washing my face. Caring for me is just so effortless for him.

Well, that's all I have folks.  Hope you enjoyed my little gem I found today.  If anyone is interested in reading the talk I am referencing, it is titled "An Example of the Believers" by President Monson, and you can find it on lds.org.

Love you!